Stuck In a Rut

I am stuck in a rut. Monday, despite running 30 miles last week, and following my weight watchers points, I gained half a pound. I’m no where near where I thought I would be when I started off with this in January. Not only that, but on Sunday, I competed in a 10km race, in which I finished second to last. The entire race I was battling with my own mind telling me to quit now, just slip out of the pack before anyone notices you, as well as struggling with my IT band injury. I know that finishing is really what matters, but when I think back to a year ago, I am so embarrassed and disappointed with myself. I was in the best shape of my life. I could complete 10km in 1:03….not 1:20!!=( I could run 15km, no problem, weighed a healthy body weight, and was actually happy with what I looked like. I was so determined. Then I got married, settled into a new job, continued running-but with no goal in mind…and here I am now. Back to my old self. 30 pounds over weight, hating my body, and hating where I am at physically. It feels like every step I take forward, I take two back. I have a half marathon in only 4 weeks, and I feel so where ready-not only for the physical blow it will take, but for the emotional toil of potentially finishing last. Where has my spirit gone? My spice for life?! It almost makes me wonder, is it this job I am in? Would I be happier, and enjoy life more in a lower stress environment? I think I like my job? But clearly something is off balance in my life. I just found out that I am going to be only part time soon, as my temp full time position is ending. Another blow-now I have to find work again. BLAH. Part of me is thinking I will just pick up shifts to make up full time where I am….another part of me is thinking of applying to other areas to work half time in. I don’t know what I am going to do. I have 3 more days off, so I think I need to regroup, run a lot, eat healthfully and fine my zen. 😉

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2 thoughts on “Stuck In a Rut

  1. I’m sorry you are feeling so discouraged Sarah- I understand where you are coming from; before Christmas I was 20 lbs lighter and eating way healthier, working out and motivated. Now I am back to my unhappy weight, stressed and frustrated. I keep telling myself, get to summer and things will get back on track (a little less than a month)

    I can’t wait to be home so we can get our butts to yoga, look forward to that!

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