Autumn

Nothing for me today, just a thought. Maybe I will be inspired to share more later, for now…I am enjoying my favorite season of all.

“There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky, which through the summer is not heard or seen, as if it could not be, as if it had not been! “
Percy Bysshe Shelley 

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To Stretch and Re-Group

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

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I have been looking fear in the eyes for a few years now. Nursing school: Check. Marathon: Check. Marriage: Check. 
Move. That is the one thing which scares me beyond reason. I invision myself lonely and sad, and far from everything, and everyone I love. One problem. I have been dreaming to going back to midwifery school lately. In canada, there are no master’s of nursing programs which include this. Midwifery is offered in a 4-year bachelors of midwifery program. In the states, Seattle specifically, midwifery is offered in master’s programs. The program I am interested is comprised of a 2 year nurse practitioner master’s degree and then a 2 year residency which can be completed in the location of your choosing in which you specialize in your desired field. In the end I would have my masters in nursing as a nurse practitioner and midwife. 
The fear of uprooting our home, and moving to another country is crippling. So crippling in fact, that I am not even sure it is something I am willing to do. Thankfully, my husband is in school for the next two years here, so I do have time to think. He is 100% supportive of whatever I decide. He has always been one to support my dreams. This is where my brain is these day. Decisions. 
On another note. To deal with my craziness self-inflicted stress, I have pulled out an old friend, AM Yoga. I disliked this DVD when I first bought it. I thought it as not challenging enough, too beginner. Times have changed in the 3-4 years since then. How naive and arrogant I was. I started using this DVD routinely 2 summers ago as a way for my room-mate and I to start our hectic camp days. It was refreshing, and the perfect stretch as new runners. Now I find myself returning to it. Much like then, life is busy. The 20 minute practice is just the right commitment for me right now. What else would I do with that 20 minutes? Find a few more useless posts of pinterest? Today, as I work a month of way too many night shifts, I commit to myself to do this DVD 5 times a week. To regroup. To pray. To spend time in silence. Most of all, to continue on the track of doing the things I love again.

Back Out There

Last night I got back out there. After cooking up a storm in the kitchen, and getting our house organized, my running buddy and I….and *shocker* my husband set out for a small, light 3km. In the past I would never EVER have set out with such a small goal in mind, but I needed something to get me back in the game and feeling good; without defeating me.

IT FELT GREAT!! We set out around dusk, the air was chilly, and our slow 3 km was full of conversation. It felt so great to be out there again. My legs quickly fell back into their familiar rhythm and my mind into the euphoria running gives me. The weather was perfect. Chilly enough for a light run jacket, but warm enough that I was sweating a kilometer in.

We came back to the apartment to enjoy a slice of pumpkin loaf (freshly baked…of course) and a few minutes of conversation and laughter. Steph went home and Graeme and I enjoyed a late dinner of yam fries and BLT’s before watching ‘The Five Year Engagement’. The movie was hilarious! We fell asleep quickly after.

I was abruptly awoken by terrible hip cramps around 3am which continued consecutively every hour until 8am. Awesome. Thankfully this girl works nights today and I was able to go back to bed for a while.

Enjoying this chilly fall day with a big ol’ cup of Pike with homemade organic pumpkin spice creamer mixed in. YUM. Relaxing to the sound of my favorite movie of all time: Marley & Me. Maybe some home-yoga to come before I head out to another ER night shift.

Enjoy your day, I know I am enjoying mine! Happy pumpkin season!=)

Pumpkin Pound Loaf

Recipe lightly adapted from myrecipes.com

  • Cooking spray
  • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
  • 1 (15-ounce) can pumpkin
  • 1 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/2 cup coconut oil
  • 4 large eggs
  • 3 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 3 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons apple pie spice (epicure)
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 cup milk + 1 tsp white vinegar (or buttermilk)
  1. Preheat oven to 350°.
  2. To prepare the cake, lightly coat 2 loaf pans with cooking spray.
  3. Place granulated sugar, brown sugar, and 1/2 cup coconut oil in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed 3 minutes or until well blended. Add eggs, 1 at a time,beating well after each addition. Beat in pumpkin and vanilla. Lightly spoon 3 cups flour into dry measuring cups, and level with a knife. Combine flour and next 4 ingredients (through salt) in a bowl, stirring well with a whisk. Add flour mixture and 3/4 cup milk/vinegar mixutre alternately to sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture.
  4. Spoon batter into prepared loaf pans. Bake at 350° for 50 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan 10 minutes on a wire rack. Remove from pan, and cool completely on wire rack.

Fear of Loosing Myself

Wow. It has been a long time. So much has happened. 

After my marathon in April, I started to go through some things that made me loose track of myself; and I am just now getting back on track with life as I want it to be. I had decided blogging was NOT for me, and didn’t write all summer. Today I was tracking back and looking at old posts, I realized how soothing it was for me to write and what a fantastic log of my life it was. So here we go again. I am going to aim to start writing once a week again.

In May I began to have pains in my chest and trouble breathing. I saw a doctor who thought I had bronchitis and tried some antibiotics for 10 days. After no relief, I saw another doctor who said “Its just some inflamed lymph nodes, take some advil”. Again, after no relief, two weeks later, and a painful running injury, I went to see a doctor whom I used to work with. He checked my head, which was fine and then was concerned about my thyroid so I was sent to get an ultrasound. Within a month I was in for the ultrasound. My life turned upside down. I was told I had two masses on my thyroid, one of which was 3cm big and because of it characteristics and my symptoms, the doctor was ‘almost sure’ was cancer. I have never been so scared in my entire life. Though thyroid cancer is a relatively ‘curable’ cancer: the word was terrifying. After THREE months of worrying, and preparing for what my doctor said was inevitable; a thyroidectomy, I got into a surgeon. They rescanned my thyroid, and to everyone’s surprise, the masses had shrunk to size to small to even biopsy. The doctor had NO idea why this happened, but said ‘I guess its your lucky day!’.

I have never felt so much anxiety, fear and pure exacerbation just melt away. I will have to be followed with routine scans of my thyroid for the next year, but for now, my symptoms are decreasing and I am feeling well.

Now, a few weeks later, and a few weddings later, I am ready to find myself again. Because of the anxiety, and symptoms I was feeling: I had gotten away from running and ran a mear 3 times ALL SUMMER. I miss it so much. So I have signed up for two 5km races this month to encourage myself to get back at it. Then I will start half-marathon training again next month. 

I have also signed up for another round of swimming lessons this fall, and another trauma training course: TNCC. I can’t wait to get back to the vibrant, busy person I was. I can’t believe how far off track I got due to pure fear!!

This weekend I was privileged to stand for two of my closest friends in their wedding party. They are such a perfect match. Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Harbin!!=)

Here’s to new beginnings, coffee, my favorite season, running my legs achy, love and laughter. Prayer really does work.

(A picture in front of St. John’s Harbor on our august trip for another dear friend’s wedding. Congrats Mr. & Mrs. Purdy!)

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