Thankfulness.

Today, I had to help a patient come to terms with a difficult, and terrifying diagnosis. I didn’t realize how close to home this hit me until I came home. I couldn’t stop thinking about. In fact, it hit me so hard, I cried. Usually I can pretty easily draw a line between my own emotions and what happens in the ER, but for some reason this pulled a string on me, and for about 30 seconds, I cried for someone I had only known for a few hours.

It brought me back to summer of this year. I was told I had cancer [a few months later, to be given the good news my tumor had shrunk and there was no longer reason to believe it was cancer! Frequent check ups would be required, but no further treatment]]. In one instant, my entire world spun around me. It was like I was falling and I couldn’t catch myself. I had never felt an instant of such enormity of fear as I felt that day. 

I would spin from being in complete denial, to hopefulness, to complete fear. The few weeks of waiting and wondering what would happen next seemed like years. Thankfully, I received an improper diagnosis, but looking back, the grief I experienced is something I am incredibly thankful for.

Today, I not only cried for my patient, but I cried for me. I finally cried my relief, my freedom, my thankfulness.

Today I am thankful for the wonderful life I have. The people who are in it. The experiences I have to cherish. Today I am thankful for a job where not only do we get to influence others, but where they can impact my life in ways they will never know. I am thankful through all the chaos, poop, vomit, screams and tears….that once in a while, I am gifted with a moment to remind me that life is precious and every day is a gift.

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