Miserable Or Strong

Can I just step back for a moment and say…. WOW

I am astonished. The support my husband and I have received since publishing our journey with infertility here has been incredible. I honestly expected criticism for opening up such a personal aspect of our lives on THE INTER-WEB! (TEEHEE) Man was I ever wrong. The blog has never received so many hits. I have received HUNDREDS of sweet messages from friends, readers, co-workers, etc., all expressing their love and support. Many thanking me for sharing our journey. My heart is so full. It is incredible how lucky we are to have so many amazing, understanding and loving humans in our lives. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We feel your overwhelming love and support.

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We have started cycle #2…but I expect it to go much the same as cycle #1 so I won’t be doing a day by day diary again. That sounds incredibly boring to read. 🙂 I will tell you though that I am feeling much more stress-free this cycle. This could all change when my hormones start to whirl again, but for now, I feel good.

I have made a list of positive changes I plan to make this cycle:

1) Exercise! I was so afraid to exercise/ nauseated last cycle that I didn’t even run ONCE. This cycle I want to maintain my normal activity level to help control my emotions.

2) Meditate/Visualization. I have read extensively about how important meditation is for stress-relief as well as visualization for fertility. I am going to make a conscious effort just to set aside a few minutes every day to be in silence and clear my mind of all things negative.

3) Pray. I find it the hardest to pray in the moments I feel I need to pray the most. When my heart is aching, I can’t find the words. Luckily, I know God knows my heart. I also know we have a tremendous army of people praying FOR us. I suppose this sort of goes with #2, but I am going to purposely set aside time every day to pray and set aside all things that worry me. This bible verse has got me through many turmoils in life, I need to write it on my mirror or something.

“Do not be anxious in anything, but by prayer and petition present your requests to God. “

4) Supplements! I have been reminding G to take his supplements (there is extensive research on the effects of zinc and folic acid on sperm motility). I am also trying to take prenatal vitamins myself. They make me so NAUSEATED so I have avoided them, but Im going to make a big effort to find a way to get them in my life in a way that doesn’t make me sick. I know that they are important in those two weeks after conception when you don’t know you are pregnant yet!

5) Live life and make plans. I had no long-term plans the last month. Living like my life was on hold was incredibly difficult for me. “What if we are pregnant…What if we aren’t” It sucks. So I have just decided to starting making plans and goals for my next year of life despite what is going on with fertility treatments. HECK. Im an ER nurse. I am used to re-prioritizing constantly. IF we get pregnant, I can reprioritize my plans then.

6) Eat better. The emotional tornado/ fertility drugs had me eating a tons of carbs and bad-for-me-foods this last month. Thankfully I haven’t gained weight from it, but I haven’t been feeling my prime. Need to get back to cooking whole food meals frequently! STAT!

7) Reward myself. I have A LOT of appointments, pelvic ultrasounds, blood work, shots, pills, etc. I am going to start doing small things to make these things more enjoyable. Treated myself to a rice-milk earl grey latte today after a pelvic ultrasound and it was WONDERFUL.

8) Depend fiercely on my husband. He will tell you-I like to be very independent. ESPECIALLY when I am hurting. I don’t like to let anyone TOO close for fear of falling apart. If this experience has taught me anything, it is that he is my biggest fan, my number one supporter, and I chose an incredible man to spend my life with. I continue to strive to be soft with him, and to let him care for and protect me as much as he can. I also strive to protect his heart when I can. 🙂

9) Start again. It is okay to grieve, but at some point we need to pick ourselves up and move along. To gain hope again. I am going to start to hope again. I know how much it could hurt in the end…but what kind of life are we living if it is always full of fear?

10) Grace. You don’t get to pick your struggles in life, but you DO get to pick how you react to what is thrown your way.

“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ” -Carlos Castenada

Thanks for following in our journey and continuing to support us.

Have a happy week!

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