Throwing Out The Scale

I threw out my scale.

Actually, if I am being honest, my husband threw out the scale.

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After watching “Embrace” a couple months ago, I longed for freedom from the scale, but was too self-critical and worried about ‘getting fat’ that I didn’t do it. After years of maintaining my healthy weight, I was so upset with myself for gaining 10-15 pounds and was so terrified without the scale I would continue on the path to morbid obesity. I would say day after day I was going to get rid of it, and something would stop me. I was ENOUGH without being a certain number logically…..but I just couldn’t believe it in my heart.

Each day one of my best friends would ask me if I had done it yet, even offer to do it for me, and I just couldn’t say goodbye. Finally yesterday, in my Naturopath/Accupuncturists office, I was lamenting about my stupid fixation with the number and the relationship it had to my self-worth. Never once have I stepped on a scale and felt good. Even if the numbers said what I wanted them to say, I always wanted more.  My NP simply said “Does it make you feel bad? Does it contribute to anxiety or negative self-worth?” I responded, yes. She said “Well then, get rid of it today. It won’t help you become healthy”.

I put off getting rid of it all day, planning in my head how I was going to SMASH the thing, video tape me throwing it’s itty pieces in the dumpster; push came to shove and I started finding reasons I needed it. My husband simply took the scale and tossed it.

It’s gone. I FEEL SO FREE (and utterly terrified). Along with it, I am not tracking my food, or dieting, or restricting. I am eating foods that make my body feel healthy, energized and happy. If I want to eat the donut, IM GOING TO EAT THE DAMN DONUT. It is so liberating, and yet so daunting.

So…. You might find me writing here a little more often to document my progress. I do have some goals to help me eat more intuitively, nourish my body, and continue striving to be more healthy, rather than 145lbs(the ridiculous number I have strived to be my entire teenage and adult life…and let me tell you…NOT ONCE have I ever been that number). Oh, and oddly-I find my poor self image/weight one of the most embarrassing things to admit- but I know the vast majority of humans struggle with it too, so maybe I can be part of the change and we can set new expectations for ourselves.

Some mini goals I have made for myself with the help of my ND to guide myself into naturally being more healthy, instead of forcing myself to be healthy.

  • Exercise every day. Walks, stretching, etc. It all counts. I will continue to run, and increase my mileage, but even on off days-I will move my body.
  • Eat a salad or veggie-packed soup for lunch every day. (with as many fun toppings as I’d like to help me get in more servings of leafy greens and veg every day)
  • Stop talking about dieting and weight-when I have coffee with people who are weight-focused, it makes me weight focused. Also, stop putting down my own body when I exercise with others and don’t feel as strong.
  • Do something which gives me joy every day (face mask, hammock, photography, writing, drawing, painting, etc)

Do you struggle with weight/negative self image? Join me!! We can do this together!!!!

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Throwing Out The Scale

  1. Love love love this girl!!! I’ve only owned a scale once in my life so I’m not attached to it like a lot of folks are but I do suffer from poor body image. I too need to work on that piece of me and reduce the amount of negative feedback I give myself. High five friend on your goals and keep being awesome because those are the type of friends I need in my life.

    • Im so grateful for your friendship Jaimie!! Thanks for being so supportive! I think if we are learn to love ourselves…it will become easier because its so easy to have negative self talk when other people do it. It we all stop doing it outwardly, maybe it will stop inwardly!

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