Fall Fades. Yesterday we had our first snowfall in Saskatoon. Thankfully, it melted away. I can’t believe exactly two weeks ago I posted that I needed to take time to enjoy fall, and before I even got back for another post it is gone! =( Before I know it, my favorite running season will be gone. And I have barely even broken into it! I have been struggling like MAD to find motivation to run these days. My mind needs it, my body needs it…..but for some reason I just can’t get myself out there! Anyways….Here’s to running the evening away today….
noun, plural com·pla·cen·cies.
a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unawareof some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation,condition, etc.
friendly civility; inclination to please; complaisance.
a civil act.
I have been recently going through a phase of complacency, or so I thought. If you had asked me to define ‘complacency’ before today, I probably would have phrased it as being ‘stuck in a rut’. Every definition I have found seems to word complacency as a pleasurable state. For me, I feel like the tires of my car are stuck in this slippery dent, and the more I spin and try and get out….the further stuck I become.
Don’t get me wrong. I have a wonderful life. I have been privileged to accomplish many things by the age of 22….but as I begin to think about my 23rd birthday, and what this next year has to come, I am stuck.
I am not exactly sure what I am stuck on is the problem. I finished my degree quickly, I married young, I ran a marathon. My three biggest life goals are all crossed off, and for the first time in my life, I am not working TOWARDS anything. I am not growing, or sprouting. I am complacent. I have the job of my ‘dreams’ and the husband of my ‘dreams. Now what.
As a nurse and shift worker, I work 12 days out of the month, and the rest I am finding to be long and lonely. My husband is busy working and going to school, and most of my friends are 9-5 er’s. So…I am forced to contemplate. Forced to reassess. Reevaluate.
What’s next? Beats me.
Hopefully I figure it out soon. I think I am starting to understand the whole ‘hobbie’ business.